For a special kind of grief support clickhere: GRIEF COACHING. Hope you are looking after yourselves in these uncertain times. I try to keep moving forward but sometimes feel stuck. Ive had cancer & this is far more painful on a daily basis. My wife and I divorced about a year after he passed. They are blessings. Ive lost friends, best friends, acquaintances, co-workers, grandparents, mom, relatives, teachers, mentors, students, neighbors, and a host of other folks. And I still miss you, I can't image life without you. I have been off work for a month and finding hard to cope the thing that keeps me here is my grandkids.So for me the second year is worse maybe cause l was numb because l lost so much in one month all l do at the moment is live each day hoping tomorrow will be better. My birthday. Perhaps- try some see a doctor about taking some thing mild to help you sleep but avoid dependence on sleep aids. Never feel that you cannot cry about your loss of him. Ive missed her terribly for two years. I lost my Mike agreed to go on another one of my adventures. At the end of the dream he touched my shoulder and said he was ok with what I was now doing (I wont go into details about that), but, to be cautious of how I was spending my money. So, I knew he was not mad at me only concerned that I take care of myself and to make wise monetary decisions. Ive lost both my parents and many significant others but my child is the absolute worst. Hundreds of acornsresonates with me. I know I dont want to live like this for any length of time anymore. I take one step then the next then the next. I appreciate being able to write my feelings down and my heart goes out to you all. Dear Dad, It's been one year and one month since you're gone. They would want us to go on!! I cry all the time, my co-workers dont even ask anymore because they know. Im coming up on the 2 year anniversary of his passing, I can for sure that it has not go I am integrating my old life with my new life. All they bring is grief. I still cant believe he is gone. I saw a counsellor after that which helped- I was numb after that. no one understands and I often find myself pretending to others everything is fine. I keep begging Stephen to come back,I scream at him. The year anniversary of his passing will be Dec 5. Im so sorry for your lossyour grief appears to be a response to a great connection and therefore a great loss of companionship and love. I think the hardest part for me is that no one misses me if I dont come home at night after work or any other time for that matter, its incredibly frightening to be in this world alone. I have actual pain when the tears come and my grief is not abating. The truth that I was hurt and have been hurt for a while. This was without doubt the hardest thing Ive ever done. My husband died at home just over one year ago. Shapes of the clouds. even though she had been ill a long time she was taken in an I feel Im constantly stumbling through life on the edge of whats real and whats not. I miss him so much. The reality of knowing that isnt going to happen is so heartbreaking. Birthday Calculator - Find when you are 1 billion seconds old. My heart is breaking. We were the very best of friends and partners in life, did everything together. My youngest son had to see how she looked and one of my stepsons had to help move her to the floor as 911 talked me through CPR. She was 96. If youre lucky, youll have lots of scars from lots of loves. If there is an afterlife then we know this life happens in the blink of an eye, soyou had might as well try to live as full a life as you can, safe in the knowledge you will be reunited. For many, the real work of grief begins in the second or third year after a loss. well lo and behold, who knew the second year would be a living nightmare. I had simething similar happening to me. They come 10 seconds apart and dont even give you time to catch your breath. One day we will be together again. A second Christmas without a child. I wasnt old also I no I wasnt no spring chicken. You are a child of the universe and have been left here for a reason. My husband fought so hard for us. My husband who was so much part of me died in late March this year. Please know that I am entering my 7th year of the loss of my spouse. I was able to bury him next to his father. I Lost my husband. I can barely function and go on. That makes me mad in itself that I cant compare this loss to others for so many different aspects. Thanks for hearing me. talk about your feelings with out your child hearing but talk to your child about their feelings because that child is hurting real bad too. Wishing you peace on this day of remembrance. I just cant. In 2015 something started to affect my wife of 32 years. Every moment where I was happy and excited was mixed with sadness and anger that my wife was not experiencing this. I wish there was a bigger word than love that could describe how I felt for her. When we are adjusting to oneness each day is a learning experience. Especially the what ifs and could I have done more for him and remembering his courage during cancer treatment even at the time of his passing. I have days of no energy or ambition. Passed from pancreatic cancer. My heart seems too heavy to carry inside this body. Remember That You Are Not Alone in Your Grief. Everything reminds me of him and I find myself distancing myself from people and things that were familiar to us both. It's just me & my 6 year old son now. That helps . Even in the final week she thought of the future. I feel the same way about Clay. Glad I happened onto this website where I can share such deep feelings that I used to share with the love of my life. I had thirty years of marriage she was everything to me all I had known since eighteen.I had counselling through myself back into work and seemed to be coping acknowledging every milestone with great sadness. This week for no particular reason has been extremely hard. You should realize no parent-child relationship is ever perfect. The pain is unbearable.. I do not just sit home, I try to be active my church, and also am going for grief counseling, and get together with others. I lost the love of my life 11 months ago. My Husband of 53 Years had a stroke in July of 2016. I am the same. She fought for her life for thirty days. The loss is so new, the first months can be spent in a blur of shock and disbelief. I am still suffering terribly, but I find moments, sometimes hours and days where I am at peace. She lost her battle in May 2016. No amount of time can heal the sorrow of your passing away. Time helps but its not a healer it helps you learn how to deal with your loss and acceptance helps a lot. I lost my wife after 37 years of marriage. But I get no answers God doesnt tell me why just to trust Him. I finally am getting some grief counseling and it helps me to know that Im doing pretty well on the widowhood scale. But there was a need to accept at a deeper level, and it was very very hard. Much love everyone. Then dealing with all the aftermath of it all its like i went into a different mental mode. I keep telling myself it will get easier but I just cant see easier insight. An Excell ant article..really on the mark. There is NO GETTING OVER IT!!!!! Right now, choose life - seize your divine moment. Thank you all who have shared their stories here. I moved home to St. Louis in September 2018. I realize that he still loves me and is looking out for me. It's still important to support your loved ones during their grieving process. I understand your raw feelings and intense pain. Grief in year 2 for my mother which is very difficult, and is equally difficult grieving for my gr-mother. Over 57 years, my Mom had been an officer, board member and choir member. All me best regards. I think it better I stay home the rest of the week. I miss him so much and want to be close to him again. I woke up in Bed a Saturday Morning on the 15th of December 2018 and she passed in her sleep. I think about her every single day. She passed in August 2017, and we dedicated our 2018 season, featuring 'Two Crowns,' by Randy Vader and Jay Rouse, to her memory." Diana Williams Martin "I started a candle business in honor of my Rosita Bonita. Hi my name is Robin and Im having a difficult time 1.5 year post the loss of 1 of 2 of my sisters my big sissysas I called them Lisa passed 9 years ago as she fought 2 weeks in a coma,where I stayed by her side singing to her reading and talking to her as lupus slowly shut down all of her organs.I know she heard me because a single tear rolled down her face while there was still some brain activity but she wasnt coming back and I had to say goodbye to my beautiful loving and kind 47 year old sister who was 9 years older than me.It hit me hard I had no grandparent death to prepare me as I had none my parents were both orphans at the ages of 9.My world changed in October of 2012 in an instant although it didnt hit me right away as I was working 12 hour days as a single mother trying to put my life back together after 23 years of an abusive marriage which failed and we ended up divorcing that December of 2012.I wasnt alone thru that i had Kimberly my other big sissy who was 11 years older than me.We were there for each other to lean on and cry with..comfort. tool to check the status of your refund within 24 hours of e-filing. 5. I can barely cope. He was 47. I hate her for that sentence. On top of it all, the flashbacks of seeing him in the pool came often and took me to my knees every time. I have no fuse left, everything makes me mad and Im forever yelling at everyone and sometimes I even throw things. I dont think I could find anyone that could be like him. We married at age 19. Thanks to you priest manuka for what he has done for me! Feel it and carry it as far as you can. That was a good process because it helped me to HOPE that my grief would abate. I can hardly read through all my tears for me and for everyones post were not alone. He was losing weight so we went to the doctor on Friday they did a CAT scan the doctor came back in with the results said he was full of cancer and all of his organs all of his main organs . I have my cats but they are getting old too. My children and 3 grandchildren miss him terribly and I try not to cry in front of them. that is life. Other days I just wonder why bother. Or 50 feet tall. Wendy, i lost my mother/best friend 16 months ago and feel the same, nothing will ever be the same again and we are all just a little spot in time. I try to take steeps forward. I was married 63 years and took care of my husband for his last 2 years. Im grateful for the love and time I had with them and I try to look forward to the future for my daughter, All of my parents (mine and my husbands) are aging and sick. And I mean nothing makes me happy anymore. I hope your find strength in coming months x. Hi. just feels worse this second year coming up to xmas. I also have an on/off boyfriend who is a narcissist I am sure. I have no one to ground me to this life. There is no way to just move on. Best regards Conor. We had been married for 58 years. And the griever may find themselves thinking, this isnt any easier. I lost my husband 2 1/2 years ago and miss him terribly. That I went into flight mode and tried to protect myself from anymore pain, from the hurt. It's not a magic trick, just an optical illusion. Someone here on this site suggested stepping out and focusing on others in need of helpI think that could be wise. Somehow it feels like its hurting more as time passes few people really understand. What we never knew was how devastating being left behind could be and continues to be. Ericka, I relate. I love who she helped me become and that is a sweet reminder of her. One Year Death Anniversary. Im the only left to help them. You do. He died in his sleep. We got so close over the years, I cant bear being without him. With By pass surgery. I guess my advice: allow yourself to feel whatever you feel whenever you feel and have a really good friend willing to let it all happen however you need. Please believe me I feel your pain but my husband and I have a legacy and I am responsible to carry is on until its my time and I plan to do exactly that. My brother died 14 months ago, he was only 23 and it was the biggest shock of our lives. Second year I basically ran, walked alone on hikes, tried to get to know the new place. First year, I got through, thinking 2nd year will be better looking at my 3rd holiday season without him And every day I think about her. But tied together since day one.And that was how it really was. Email him on: lordzakuza7 @ gmail. Steve. Date Calculator - Add or subtract days, months, years. yes Patricia you have said exactly what I feel. Read as much as you can and talk an listen as much as you can and find the way through this. Your Grief is Terrifying to Those Around You, How to Get a Better Nights Sleep when Grieving, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rnyqe1XiP0, The second year of grief | How my heart speaks, https://thepetlosscenter.com/our-locations/hampton. The shock and numbness in the first year was dreadful, but it did protect me from the sharpness of the pain I now feel. Brain tumour April 2017 blood clots July 2017 diagnosed with moderate cold August 2017 op for brain tumour Nov 2017 death of mum Nov 2017 deep vein reflux June 2018 he was my rock my life my only ever love and he is gone. I deal with people daily and do not like my job. Heartache. I lost my mother (and I was her caregiver) in early 2017 (basically congenital heart failure, but she fail on what I consider a good day for her and never recovered and passed away the next day). I guess I will have to find a way to go forward, but I still miss him so much. grief come anytime. But, my life, as a widower, as a single man, did not include them just like, I really didnt fit into their life I wasnt their sister, their aunt, or theyre best friend. Wish I was with my wife really. I would be very grateful. Nothing. He had 3 brain surgeries to help with inflammation and to kill the infection out. I feel horrible. This article is the best Ive read ever on this subject! 2. I lost my mum 13 months ago. Slightly better than being alone perhaps but when he is away the loneliness is shattering. It has been 2 years since you passed away. Greg, Your note is now so, long ago place here. Im not suicidal, but I really dont care if I go on living, or not. It helps a great deal to know that grieving beyond one year is normal. I cry my eyes out almost everyday. though I am on a constant roller coaster ride. Don fought so hard with what strength that he had but cancer took him from me. In other words, there was nothing they could do. I just feel blessed that he loved me that much! Ill NEVER see him again. They came to everything I was involved in from adolescence into adulthood. He was only 53 when he passed. But when they get close I bail out. Ann! Nothing like my kind caring husband. I did the grief therapy, grief counseling, etc., that I was to do during the 1st year. I cannot fathom spending the rest of my days balanced on this double edged sword! I lost my husband 2 years ago very suddenly, we had been together 43 years. Its only at night when I lay in bed missing him holding me. But it dont change how i feel or why. I moved back in with her and now Im scared to leave her alone. Im only 2 months in after the loss of my husband. Im in my 16 month. I dont want it to be something that just passes. For a while, all you can do is float. Lost. I made it through. I kept going to work, serving at church, most of the things I had formerly done. I was numb the first year, but now Its really hard. People told me after the first year it would get better. The first year the crying was more intense now its deeper in a way. I am in a grievance class hoping it will help. YouTube A body from the Dyatlov Pass incident. I still cry most days and miss him more than words can say. The first 2 years every single memory of every single moment of happiness we had were the worst part. Nellie, Im so sorry that we have to have these losses as a connection. Now this next bit my shock some of you but I felt relieved. It . He, too had lung cancer and kidney failure and his death was sudden. Its almost like drowning, Amber. Its becoming real and it sucks. I pray I will soon be better. This friend just had to rub salt in the wounds when she observed you worked so hard to lose all that weight, and now its all come back. I am very active in my church have lovely friends and family but they are busy caring for their own lives. If i was not worried about my cats i would prefer to be dead. I cant begin to describe how heartbroken I am and the second year is the toughest. I dont like to eat, but water for months. But without them especially losing Kimberly so suddenly I went into flight mode making funeral arrangements this time solo. It took at least a year to realize that the evidence I would get was the fact I held on to him. Hang in there. I cant turn back and I cant just drop the boulder. Some not so bad. Everyone feels like Im negative, and depressing, and really I just want to see my mum. I am grateful. I think I just feel like I just dont care anymore. They only know me and my daughter, so when we get together we dont seem like were missing someone. My Dad died back in 2001. I can not and will not just put my son aside like he wasnt an amazing person. I hope that mine never ends, but that it changes and that I can be of use in this world that I still live in. I just cant think of even one good reason why I am here. Anyway it felt good to post this here. I will be praying for both of us. Sofocus on you, dont try to cling to himhe is still there and will rest easier seeing that youve got this. Theres a spot right around where my heart is that just aches and aches and aches. People are cruel regarding mourning time. But you learn that youll survive them. I lost my Dad in February of 2016. When I met her she had 5 Children then we had a Son together, and 3 are still home with me and it just seems that sometimes it wont get better. Looking forward to days with joy again. But you will grieve the rest of your life. I have no passion for anything and I feel an immense guilt that wont go away. Lost my husband 2 yrs 4 months its hard I have good days but I need someone to talk to thats not family. Jean Marie Feils, 82, of Plainview, passed away February 24, 2023 at St. Mary's Hospital in Rochester, MN. I been trying to get my life in order such as trying to find a job. he asked me in a parting note not to forget him, or my other brother who died in 2018 or my parents who went before. The thought of living 20-30yrs without them is so very hard, I know exactly what u mean theres that one love and no body & I mean no body will ever take his place Ill never love again the way I loved him 35 years I was w this man & his gone Im still in a river of tears every oldie comes on the water starts to over flow I dont believe it gets easier I loved him my heart continues to hurt..nothing helps. I still think about my husband everyday and I still miss him, but now when I think of him its with a smile. He was my heart and it was only 4 years and 7 months but he was my everything. Im sorry i dont have an answer for you but i want you too know that you and your feelings are not alone. I sometimes now find it hard to walk down a street that holds. In the months that followed my mom's death, I got my dream job writing about celebrity and pop culture at VH1, my boyfriend became my fianc, and I smiled through bridal showers and bachelorette parties for dear . Sadly you and I are far from alone. Tracy. That is a revealing statement and I think your church, which is a family, will prove to be a lifesaver. Im sure that everyone on here can relate to that moment. It can be so isolating. This is where Grief Coaching can help. from everybody else. I was a young 54, when he was diagnosed with stage 4 lung cancer (non smoker). I lost my sister 19 months ago and I find myself thinking okquick remember as much as you can so you dont forgetits the acorns. There is a pretty well-accepted theory on grieving that the first year is the hardest. "The life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living" - Cicero. I lost my husband of 19 years to cancer in 2003. He left me 2 dogs, one pregnant one. I have have no words to describe the pain, anybody that is reading this, is reading for a reason, because sadly we are all grieving. I feel as though I cant breathe, like it smothering me. I gave up everything of my old life when I came home and I dont regret a minute of it but now I feel so lost. Cry everyday and pray everyday for strength and hope. He has been gone for 15 months. I love him so. Its been two years and two months since my beautiful wife passed. Im trying to be in acceptance and have great support around me. It has not. The waves, as mentioned still come but now we feel the need to hide them which isolates us more. Jean was born on September 9, 1940 in Wabasha County to Arthur and Rachel (Kruger . My days run together, its the absolute worst heartache Ive ever experienced. Each day.. I hold onto all the My new challenge going forward. Thanks for sharing your story and God bless and comfort you too. Breathe. Susan was the only person who ever truly understood me and love me unconditionally. My husband died 16 months ago. It is better than it was but there are days when the grayness and depression covers me like fog on a cloudy day. We see your attributes and qualities in each other and in our children and we know you are living on through those you loved." "It's been three years since you left us, father, and you are still in my heart. I am so overcome with sadness. Suddenly my husband developed a cough and a month later he was dead of lung cancer. I stay busy. I sold our acreage in Iowa and moved to Oklahoma to be close to them. It's been one year since we lost [name of person who passed]. It would be rather strange if you did and I think that is so true. There seems no point although I try to pray. I am 75, married 44 years to the sweetest , caring man one could ask for. I talk about him to everyone way too much, even strangers, it is like I cannot believe it and saying it out loud confirms it. I try to be positive and move forward. There is hope; the sun does shine again. I just want to hold my son, tell him I love him, see his beautiful smile not just one more day but forever. I hope you find what works for you, what helps get you through, what makes it bearable to be alive. I will never be fine that was my baby. The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) told people to give . She was only 14 when her Dad died. The fact remains I just dont know what to do most of the time. Ann, Im so sorry for every ones lost,,Im to. Fighting for our lives, our very existence. Praying for us all. I wish everyday i was dead .I remember years ago my father in law saying that after my mother died.he was lucky he got hi wish 11 months later. I cant even go to church and I feel so bad because its Christmas.